Trek Net

Author: Gavin Thomson and Dave Gomersall

‘Manyana’ may never come

WHEN Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was interviewed on television by British TV host, Anne Diamond, he used the word manyana.
Diamond asked him to explain its meaning.
Iglesias replied that manyana meant "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"
The host turned to her other guest, a Mr Phiri, and asked him if there was an equivalent term in his home country, Malawi, or elsewhere in Southern Africa.
"Oh no," Mr Phiri replied, "in Southern Africa and Malawi, we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency. No."

An atheist in the woods

An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him... 
At that instant the atheist cried out: “Oh, my God!”
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: “You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credi...

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Great truths…

… that little children have learned:
*No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
*When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
*If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
*Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
*You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
*Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
*Never hold a feather duster and a cat at the same time.
*You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
*Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

… that adults have learned:
*Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
*Wrinkles don't hurt.
*Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
*Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
*Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

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Spring exercise programme...

Take one Weet-bix.
Take an Aero chocolate bar.
Crumble the Aero over the Weet-bix.
Voila! AEROBIX!

Words for women to live by…

*Take life with a pinch of salt... a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.
*Go on the 30-day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).
*When life gets you down, just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
*Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.
*I know I'm in my own little world, but it's okay. They know me here.
*Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
*Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.
*Remember, wherever there is a good looking, sweet man there is some woman tired of his little ways.
*Keep your chin up - only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.
*If it has tyres or testicles it's gonna give you trouble.
*By the time a woman realises her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.